The Gift of Heat

To some extent I could welcome the gift of a lump of coal for Christmas. If given in the right context, it could probably be a rather genuine gift. Similar to what a hive of bees from the Heifer Project is like, or a designated gift to a radio station like MPR, Jazz 88 or RadioParadise. It could be something given that is enjoyed by others, rather than just an individual.

When burned, coal gives off heat. For those of us that live in the middle of a large continent, with a northern climate, which tends to experience colder spells through winter - we appreciate heat. Although its probably underrated a bit - and perhaps it's become expected.

Photo courtesy via CC

At some point in Minneapolis and other northern towns and cities, folks realized that they preferred individual homes. Some form of heat was needed to warm these homes. The structure we live in was originally heated by a coal fired furnace and boiler system – which then distributed heat to the rest of the house via radiators.

A furnace, boiler and radiators still warm our house, it's just that natural gas now “keeps the fire going”, rather than coal. We recently ripped the coal storage room out of our basement. It was an unused waste of space and we look forward to doing something else with that space. (Like a "study" for dad.)

Our house has a fireplace that still works too. Though most people mention that it is quite inefficient to run the fireplace as it heats only one room and sucks the air out of the house. We use it for special occasions, usually when the entire family is around. It will probably be lit sometime at Christmas.

The United States is said to have 200-300 years worth of coal still available. So, it doesn't seem to be a very rare substance here on Earth (says the carbon-based life form). Though I read recently that Germany has used up most of its coal and is looking to renewable energy, partly because it's an energy source they don't have to import.

Seems funny to me that we are still so reliant on coal, with all our latest technological advances in such important things as e-readers and phones...? Google, recently, invested in solar energy. This is part of an initiative by them to get off of non-renewable energy (like coal). I suppose they need to keep those server storage clouds cool somehow, perhaps they should move'em to Minnesota.

We're fortunate to afford heat. We're fortunate to have the option for heat. Right now we're fortunate to have coal. Perhaps some day we may have solar panels generate electricity to warm our radiators... who knows.... then we could think long term and invest with coal... as diamonds since they're such a rare commodity...

Diamonds are nothing more than chunks of coal that stuck to their jobs. - Malcolm Forbes
 

Assistance from the Assistants

The Christmas aura is all over the place and we're about to hit that one week home-stretch. Which means the time has come for me to have no clue about what to get my wife. I am finding this to be an annual event - not knowing what to get my other half for this season of giving - geez the difficulties we face in America.

Perhaps it's a glitch in my programming. Perhaps it's a male thing. I don't know, I don't care - I get a bit stressed because my wife deserves to have the warm Christmas morning feeling as anyone else does. But, this year, I may have found an answer: like Santa has his little elves - dad has his little helpers, and I will use them to aid in Christmas shopping for mom this week.

Image courtesy via CC

My spouse and I know each other pretty well by now, but this Christmas thing kills me. She is different than me in that there are only a couple of recurring themes that work for her. Otherwise, I have trouble determining what new gadget or experience she might want or use. It's probably some perfectionist issue, as in finding the "right" gift. Often it becomes this last minute rush to find something - anything - to fill a void.

So sad, I know, again it's quite the dilemma. However, the honest thing is that I don't think its completely my fault. Similar to most years, unless she gives off a little steam and provides a bit of direction, she is going to get some random gift that may work out, or may sit on a shelf collecting dust.

Seemingly, despite voicing outwardly that she isn't fond of surprises, I think that inside she actually likes them. It's part of the psychology of gifting. "Wow a big gift and then a bunch of small ones - neat!" Oops. Yup, gonna really surprise her this year.

And with her presence within a household of boys, many of the gifts she gets are usually fairly aggressive in nature. Wow, now that there is thought behind it, a lot of what she has received has aggressive tendencies. Action figures, Wonder Woman stuff, hockey sweatshirts.

I have often made attempts at getting things that have a "softer" edge to them. The slippers were cute, but not quite right, the lacy stuff was never really used, the clothing was too big... ouch, the Cd's get listened to once in a while.

Anyway as mentioned in the above title line, I will be recruiting assistance from two of my assistants and we shall take a mom-shopping spree together (but I get to drive).

There is extreme uncertainty regarding what she will be getting - but it will be different because for the most part, much of the input will be from my cohorts, fellow conspirators - partners in crime - and we will be thinking about her, not us.

Actually, this may be all I need for Christmas - the inner chuckle from seeing what these descendants might suggest.


(But dad, you and mom never open your toys... they just sit on the shelf. Some day I'm going to open them for you, for real, and then I'm gonna play with them.)

Ick. I don't want to get sick.

Ick. I don’t want to get sick.

I shall dot my i’s and cross my t’s

this time it’s not about them but me.

Fight the system, hide within

for the bugs are small and wish to win

over my soul, my vigor and trust.

Image from CC

As within, so without - 

though the opposite is what this is about.

Theres no "i" in team

the saying is said,

but in this case I may be better off dead

than lying in bed

all covered in sweat

from head to foot.

So, of this I will put

my faith in one macro

avoiding things micro

we all know how that goes
and when we get to pick -

Ick. We don’t want to get sick.

Notes:

Sick, sick, no magical tour

No joyride if stuck in bed thats for sure.

The more your sick the worse you feel,

so wash your hands before every meal.

Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes

Over the past year the bumper sticker “Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes” has reappeared on cars at various intersections around the common places I have been driving. It has made me think, and obviously had an effect on me since I am writing about it.

My voice shakes when I voice my opinion in a hot debate regarding particular issues (the state of religion, politics, boxers vs. briefs). Its no big deal, at first I was annoyed by it, now I see it as a sign of my conviction.

I like this "speak your mind" quote, or bumper sticker. In a dreamworld, politically speaking, it may reflect both true Tea Partiers and true Occupy protesters - who seem recently, to be speaking their mind.

Image courtesy via CC

I like the bumper sticker to the point that I considered getting one for my car. That way, much like this blog I could communicate something to others in a mostly passive way, but still vent my mind out a bit, right?

Except if I placed this bumper sticker on my car, then I would see it all the time. I would potentially be reminded to “speak my mind, even if my voice shakes” on a daily basis. And how would that work out?

Would it soak in like a stain on a shirt, eventually becoming part of my overall fabric to the point that I declare it moreso to others? Maybe.

Or would it just sit there on my car, day in and day out, eventually fading and wearing from the outer elements? It would be another thing attached to my car besides the key scratches. Something that I recognize, but don’t really pay much mind to after the first few months?

Bumper stickers are perhaps like tattoos, neither of which I mind, though my experience with either is limited. There are no bumper stickers on my body and no tattoos on my car - yet.

Despite the lack of ink, I do have a tattoo in mind, it’s just that at this time in my life with kids and house and autos and church and other causes – there just isn’t a lot of extra cash on hand for such an experience… we’ll see.

And the only bumper sticker in my possession sits above my desk, taped over a big scratch on the hutch. It reads "When Jesus said, "Love your enemies," I think he probably meant don't kill them." It was left in my office at my previous job - and so I "borrowed" it when I left.

Anyhow, I haven’t purchased (or borrowed) the "speak your mind" bumper sticker. I guess I've made a choice by this choice. I’ve chosen to let others place that sticker on their bumper, and then let it affect me randomly. And yesterday, I was inspired by this randomness.

Now I just need to look out for boogers that are flicked on my windshield as I drive closer to read all these bumper stickers…

Frosted Flakes

Beyond a festive season the reality of each day sets its tone with muted brightness and solid darkness;

Illumined as blotted whooshes of color atop rigid lines.

Looking out at the chill from a multi-story window, there is the reality that it’s a long way down;
For gravity loosely pulls weight as if a hopeless constant.

Is it?

Because there are millions of snowflakes about and many are floating up and higher as if riding some breath that defies gravity;
Perhaps only for a short while.

Where might those flakes land?

Loaf of Meat

"Ma, the meatloaf! We want it now!" (Chazz Reinhold - Wedding Crashers)

For many, the dormant season comes about in the northern hemisphere. The days grow shorter with less daylight, which also means colder temperatures. Some folks (not all) may be more inclined to hang out indoors and play board games and pass colds around, and yes - it is the season for comfort food which may may mean "hot dishes" or meatloaf.

Courtesy Scott Robinson via CC

Except this blurb isn't about comfort food or a meatloaf.

It's about the fact that a grown man (a loaf of meat) lives at his mom's residence and screams for her to make he and his buddy a meatloaf... on demand, in the middle of the day.

Last week a similar request was made of my mother.

"Mom, a hot dish! We want it now!"

No, that's silly, it was scrambled eggs. We asked grandma/mom to make us boys some scrambled eggs (the kids have recently started to "love" them). In all regards, she was asked fairly politely and we were fortunate to have been rewarded for our request.

Grandma/mom doesn't "live" at the house. She comes to the house each day to watch the boys as the wife and I head out to our day jobs... except Fridays. Fridays, for me at least, are a day off from the daily job as other work gets accomplished. Admittedly, for this I am very fortunate and sometimes on Fridays, as the schedule permits, certain requests are made of grandmom. We can say that she makes mean french toast and scrambled eggs and dare it be said... meatloaf.

Rumors have reached these ears regarding how in Europe, Asia and many other parts of the world - an extended family lives together in one house, under one roof, the whole family - grandparents, parents, kids. This is something that is not completely common in much of Minnesota, although it's probably more common as of the past couple of years. Praise to those that make it work!

Also, praise to all grandmas, grandpas, moms and dads who cook and make those kitchens smell so good.

It's interesting how the schematics of this "family dynamic" will evolve and whether it will become more common across America.... as we ketchup to the rest of the world... in this regard.

Wait a minute, did he say ketchup? Do you use ketchup on or in your meat loaf, or both?

Love Roller Coaster

No this isn't going to get all mushy. Not gonna go all Barry White on ya yet... But...

There is more love around the house when mom is well rested and not traveling. Between a recent bit of work strife and travel, our family has ridden a roller coaster of emotion through the month of November. And thank god its about over.

That is, thank god the month of November is about over, because as we head into another holiday, I am reminded that a lot of this strife started on a different holiday - Halloween, the last day of October, typically a fun holiday - but evidently the big business world doesn't recognize holiday or family any more (ouch). So, who knows what to expect as we head towards Christmas.

  

It is very evident when mom is under stress because we don't get her attention and when we do it is very direct and sharp. I am this way already, so when she starts showing these symptoms, I become anti-man - that is, grizzly and strained to the point that I should be cast off alone to some distant island to radiate.

And in our home situation, I cook a lot; I tote the kids around a bit; I grind through the homework spiel. The kids get enough of me.

Its mom they crave. Its mom that kisses a boo boo and actually means it. Its mom that forgives... and mom has the softest touch in the house. She wears many hats and it is amazing how 97% of the time she can take the corporate one off as she steps into the house.

We were lucky to have Thanksgiving as pleasant as it was. We were fortunate to be with family and give thanks and eat lots of pie. To be honest though, I felt myself looking over my shoulder - ready for the next round of corporate grief to take hold. Damn those Blackberries and their ability to keep up with every work detail and e-mail.

So yes, as we shovel, glide, or at least make our way through Advent and towards winters' front door - it is good to have that love back, that is to have mom back - the roller coaster has leveled out (for a while at least).

I am curious where other family-type units find "the love" and how they handle stress - individually? together? Perhaps folks build a tent out of the dining room table and hide away- while pretending that its the Millennium Falcon?

To Snowthrower or Not

Back when I was a kid....

We had a driveway that was probably 30 yards long with 8-10 foot walls on both sides.... and we had to throw snow out of it.

It was a trench dug into the ground as it made its way from the street to our tucked-under garage. The closer you got to the garage - the higher the walls of the driveway were - that is as you exited the garage doors, the walls to the top of the yard were at least 8-10 feet tall and then they graduated down the closer you got to the street.

Image from MNHS

My dad had a shovel (didn't it have a nickname.... something like "the crusher"?) that I swear was 3 feet long. And much like Paul Bunyan would throw his axe and fell trees, my dad would take "the crusher" and start from the garage and push and "shove" the snow out to the end of the drive and then scoop it up and toss it to the side. The square footage he could cover with that puppy....

And like my current family there were three boys in that family as well (sounds so odd - like a different bizarro dimension). When the snow got too much and as we boys aged, we got to shovel the snow out of that driveway as well. Up and over the walls - all the way down. We would usually use some strategic plan that my dad would concoct. Like him going a round or two with "the crusher" until the snow was just too much to handle for one man alone. He'd call in for reinforcements and out we would walk with our shovels and snow clothes on like that kid from Christmas Story - the little brother who waddles down the sidewalk due to his sweet one-piece snow suit.

Anyway back to my story. Us reinforcements would come out and start chipping away at that snow through those dark, eerily quiet evenings, throwing it over the wall as best we could. I look back and wonder how much assistance we really were, especially on windy days where the snow would fly back into our faces and back into the drive.

And my dad got by with us boys helping, much like a large family with a farm - and I intend to use my boys as well... to help shovel snow. I intend to put their muscles to work, I will call for their reinforcement assistance in this urban landscape with driveway and sidewalk. And maybe the neighbors too...

Except there was a lot of snow last year (84+ inches)... and my oldest isn't even seven yet... and I don't have any shovel close to handling snow like "the crusher"... and that electric snowthrower that's on sale is calling my name...

Thankful for the Women in my Life!

I was blessed to have a strong woman to watch and learn from everyday in my house when I was younger. For a big part of my life I was able to have both grandmothers active in my life as well. Many aunts, cousins, church women, school leaders and friends of the female persuasion.

Lately my world has been shaken to its core, some would say it was an awakening if you will. It forced me to look at what I want, how do I want people to have control of my life, and how will I allow people to affect my life with out my say. It is always hard when you are in the fog of the earthquake to see how this will make you stronger.

The saying time will heal everything is so true. It has amazed me how one night sleep will make things clearer. The more time I have had the more determined I get, the more clearer I am about myself, the stronger my foundation gets.

As I am enjoying an afternoon in my house by myself, little one asleep and the other boys out and about. I go to the CD shelf and look for some reinforcement in music that always heals me and makes me stronger. Females of choice today are Mary J. Blige, Erykah Badu, Kelly Clarkson, Kina and India Arie. Amazing women and journey's that we have are lucky enough to hear through their music.

And it makes me realize even though my foundation was shaken, it did not break, crack or even chip. The reason it is so strong is because of the reinforcement from every woman that has been involved in my life, especially the one that I used to watch everyday. It might not be every day that I watch her now but it is more than she realizes. For these women I am thankful because I would not be the woman I am with out them!

Little Dumpster Diver

I have figured something out relating to children and scale. To some extent, it has taken three kids to figure this out, but it is simple and makes a lot of sense.

Many of us adults live exclusively - in an adult world. Many of us adults eat adult sized portions with big plates and cutlery. Perhaps the chairs we sit in fit adult people and the beds we sleep in are sized for us as well. The autos we drive are created with controls situated within reach of some average adult size. Park benches are often set for a comfortable sitting height of around 16 inches – a good size for an adult. This mouse fits my adult sized palm.

Children are different, they have not yet reached that average adult size, right? With this realization - I now conclude that my youngest has become a certified dumpster diver.

CC Image courtesy of dreamsjung on Flickr

Our kitchen garbage sits open ended with its top just below his eye level. Much to our chagrin, when he is hungry and as we parents are busy, we've caught him diving here. I've witnessed him grabbing yogurt containers, pizza scraps and after Halloween he was spotted multiple times running about with empty candy wrappers. Sometimes he has found broken toys (usually bright colored, cheap, plastic things from fast food joints).

Now I should disclaim that we have had this garbage for a long time - before this house, before these children - and it gets cleaned regularly. The thought of purchasing another plastic covered garbage container did pop in our heads at some point - but we had no problems with the previous two kids regarding this diving situation and the thought of throwing the plastic garbage can into the landfill to be replaced by another plastic can with a cover doesn't seem completely sensible. At least some earth-friendly beings are going to give us props for this... I hope.

Anyhow, I now officially realize that as my youngest rambles about our living space – he sees things differently, and specifically - at a different level. I know now that he thoroughly enjoys when we get down to his size and scale (literally down on the floor). He goes nuts. He wrestles and cuddles and brings things to us for play and he waddles his flat-footed self back and forth with stuff from mom's purse..... He even listens more intently... and we probably listen to him better as well.

Obviously this isn’t some sort of rocket science and it's not like we never reduced our scale for the other two pups. Many folks figure this out without even realizing it, however, others do not. Especially as I think about how I’ve seen adults (even teachers) interact with children recently. It seems they could use a little assistance, a little coming down to earth.

As this youngest one is still a bit malleable (and not for long) - I am going to continue making a point to interact at his height when feasible - though I think I will avoid the dumpster diving.

Of house and home

Isn't home ownership grand?
(He says sarcastically...)

Recently my brother and I did some exploring. We looked at a couple of the attic spaces within the house that have probably been somewhat neglected. As we verified the attic spaces for their insulation coverage we were amazed at the amount of craftsmanship that the builders put into making a 1920's bungalow.

The attic pocket doors fit so snugly with their tiny retractable ball bearing locking mechanism. And the house frame, the structure itself, is still so solid, perhaps built of old school lumber from Northern Minnesota.

And recently we had the house exterior painted, it needed the paint so badly, to the point that we couldn't do it ourselves. And the man who painted mentioned how time consuming some of the detail was - and I'm sure it was, constructed with character and not of disposable means.

I have to admit that as of the past couple years I have been left wondering if home ownership is the most economic "way" for middle income families. Since the end of WWII the U.S. government has led us to believe so with its cheap loan programs and tax incentives.

Our homes are a source of pride for so many folks.  I relate directly - my parents bought their first house and then continued to upgrade in houses as the family grew and as we moved to different cities. Eventually my two brothers and I each had our own bedroom! And a basement rec room! Oh what great expectations!

Though this article wasn't completely surprising, it disturbed me:
Check it: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/04/12/bofa-ceo-moynihan-some-pe_n_848312.html

I am not a big fan of hearing a corporate executive dismiss houses - or homes, which are considered an investment for so many middle income families. It's disturbing. Reminds me of hearing of the booksmart economist who strives for faster, cheaper, more efficient - with no understanding of the human cost. Or of the accomplished doctor who operates on a person as if they were just another number and not an actual being.

That is part of what makes this whole housing market bubble issue such a pain. Sometimes it feels like the fat cats are starving the middle of its pride. What would happen to neighborhoods if folks didn't take any pride in their home? What would happen to cities if neighborhoods no longer had pride - if they became run down? Surely, there are examples of this in many communities already. Were we set up to believe that houses were an important part of being American? If so, who would want one now? And especially a new one.

Home ownership means work and upkeep and when you put time and money into it, you are investing, or at least we thought so, or were led to believe so, and especially with an older home.

Craft, art - pride. House, home, family...

Unfortunately while in the attic area, we didn't find any hidden bundles of cash or map of our small urban yard, marked with an "x" offering location of buried treasure or loot of some sort.

Running the Spectrum

Wife: Do you feel tired?
Husband: Yes, I do feel tired.

Our boys run a spectrum of age that is both fun and challenging. They offer each other different relational options - which often means they wrestle a lot. Like a litter of wolf pups nipping at each others ears.

These "pups" have a wide window of napping schedules and dinner options and play schedules. It stretches bounds of parenting patience and planning to great measure. Surely the challenges will only continue as they grow and gain their independent ways and means.

When people walk into our home, they walk into an entry room that we use as our "toy space". There are lots of action figures, vehicles and gadgets. There is very little pink, a general avoidance of guns, a haven of cheap plastic happy meal.... crap things.

Often, toys are strewn across this room, this entry room - and walking across is similar to playing Frogger and not advised to those with bare feet. We are working with these pups to put their toys away when finished - but it is still an exhausting and nauseating task.... for me -  don't know about my other half.

As I pick up the mess, again, I try to think of it as a religious experience. Something that is done with repetition to the point of being no bother to me.

It doesn't work.

Today, I have run the spectrum and am happy the bed is willing to catch me.

Lingo

My kid is learning Spanish. I am envious. I look forward to the day he can translate a conversation I might hear, or sing a sweet Spanish ballad, or order me some delicious authentic cuisine from one of the local Mexican restaurants.

We tried to enroll him in Chinese - but there weren't enough contestants. We've heard it's a difficult language and being that he is quite young, we thought perhaps he might get a good start at it. We thought we were future thinking - if China is becoming this giant cloud in the sky, what better way to weather the storm than learn the culture and language, right? Well, apparently there weren't enough people thinking like us.

Its not like we settled for Spanish, right? There are how many different countries and parts of the world (even within the US) that speak this language? A lot. And in our city, there are probably more Spanish speaking opportunities around, which will be beneficial.

These days, as I read the headlines, I am confounded a bit. There seems to be a bit of confusion in my State (Vikings, taxes, gambling); in America (NBA, players, owners); and the World (bailouts, climate, population). There is a definite lack of clarity. Perhaps a lack of leadership (or is that what they want you to think?)

Anyway, I think I figured out why there is this lack of "order in the court" (at least in my local, English speaking enclave.) It all relates to language, jargon, lingo. As I was stumbling upon some grammar stuff, I came across this tidbit:

English

English does not have a dedicated future tense — that is, a grammatical form that, when used, always indicates futurity — nor does it have a form that is mandatory for the expression of futurity. However, some forms are often used to express futurity.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Future_tense

Huh? So what does this say about the English language? Where does it lead us? How do we talk about the future? How do we set goals and expectations and make change?
Oh and by the way, future tense is abbreviated FUT.
Now I know why I learned German, though due to my lack of regular usage, most of the der die das is not even but a memory.

I Got a Rock

Did Charles Schultz ever really get a rock for Halloween? Or is that just something he made up?

I imagine he's out perusing the streets of his local hood in some self-concocted costume. He walks up to the door behind his buddies, they get their dose of candy and he gets his dose of igneous - repeatedly.

Whether he got a rock or not at that time in his trick or treating life, one has to wonder whether he had any idea that the experiences he muscled through would become reflected upon millions of kids who became parents of kids who still to this day watch about some block-head with holes throughout his sheet - wandering the streets of metropolis with his merry band of hobnobs.

Though Charlie was probably disappointed by his rock collection - his group hung in there with him. Surely the stale popcorn balls, the pencils and toothbrushes they received were golden compared to his bag full of paper-weight specimens.

And together they went and partied afterward. The after-party complete with apple bobbing and pumpkin carving.

I am not a big fan of television - but I like when the old cartoons are on - the Peanuts holiday series, or the Christmas cartoons (Frosty, Rudolph). Though some of them are a bit much and its hard to keep track of the number of commercials for kid's toys and movies throughout.

From my younger days, I recall decorating the house whilst (yes I used that word) these specials were aired on tv and "living" the experience. Not only my family decorating the house for these seasonal occurrences - but others were probably doing the same! All at the same time. To think that other families were/are sitting in front of their tv watching this story and hopefully feeling the same eagerness and expectation as me/us.


The same goes with radio (for which I don't listen to as often lately), but when there is a song on that I am really into and perhaps haven't heard in a long time - I think, "wow, is someone else out there digging this as well?" Perhaps, perhaps not, surely some folks just clicked it off when they heard the first drumbeat of R.E.M.'s "It's The End Of The World"....

That's all for now, I gotta rock. And I feel fine.

Three Little Pumpkins

Three Little Pumpkins

ripen in the sun
to be picked, then poked around the mid of autumn

Round little pumpkins
growing orange in the patch
vine supplies the lifeline from which the pumpkins latch

Mouse and hare

exhibit specimens

cat and crow
endure and survive as three pumpkins grow

and mature towards date
where they transform
as chalk to slate, or earth from storm

To determine fate
or to wither and pass
either is choice, to choose - then convince en masse

the pumpkins grow
and with world's change in sight

Three Little Pumpkins
sit.    quietly.    with Linus.
as damp chill encompass' night.


Check it:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/45016975/ns/technology_and_science-science/

notes:
Three Little Pumpkins

Simply lie lay lain
One pie, one puree and another baked plain

quietly the pumpkins grow grew grown
the sun arise arose arisen
another day to make their way and listen to the lesson

though separate - they are together - facing nature's wrath.

The Windshield and the Wiper

I am not sure what I am to my partner, my Gemini twin, my wife. I know what she is to me and I hold on to that tightly. I have observed many times how other people interact with her. She is the nectar to many people's ills. A shoulder they can lean on.

I am not jealous, I am understanding. But there is only one 24 hour period each day, there is only one physical being (no clones), there is only one energy. And of greater interest than even these other folks - there are three little cubs in the pack - three additional and sometimes competing voices in the car. Again... I am concerned that I do not know, entirely, what I am to her these days.

In my chosen partner's case it seems that others often use her for her listening skills, her confidence, her optimism. Her broad shoulders are able to carry large burdens and in doing so, they get inundated with much ado about nothing. It becomes a big load - a circus big top.

All this stuff is weight, of some sort and collecting and hauling the grudges, chips and sins of others takes its toll.

It all becomes burden. Carry the weight, carry the burden.

I don't want to be part of the burden. I'm not am I?



Ya know... windshields carry large burdens as well.

My partner is the windshield - I am... the windshield wiper, complimentary items:

For a chuckle - click this. It'll help clear things up (and it's better than the movie).

Be the wiper and help the windshield, right? Clean it off, unload the mess...

Perhaps that is where I fit in.

But if I am her compliment, what is her supplement? And I fear I cannot enable, disable, control it...

It's like that dark matter out in space.... what is it?

Undefinable. Confound it Spock, where's the logic in that?

unvarying, consistent, undifferentiated

Uniform

Recently one day, as I drove in to work, I passed a fellow who works for G&K Services. His truck was parked in the street and he was walking in to the building with a large rug or mat over his shoulder. I noticed he had on his uniform, matching shirt and shorts and he even had a matching ballcap on. Working for G&K, I would expect that he would have a uniform and that it would be... clean. And it was. I wonder if he wears it with pride?

As I ate lunch - the mailman came by and commented that he eats the same Costco grapefruit cup as me. So, we have something in common - except that he wears a uniform. He came in with his blue shirt and greyblue shorts. He was cheery, I was appreciative of his visit and for the mail he brought. Life is good.

Besides t-shirts, I have never had to wear uniforms for work. I have had some really bad sport/team uniforms. The love of my life has various gear with a lot of her employer's emblems and sometimes she wears it to work, but it isn't mandatory. My kids don't have to wear uniforms to school. As we pondered which school for our oldest, we almost picked a school that happened to require uniforms. In the end the uniform wasn't the deciding factor, we could have lived with closets full of navy blue.

Uniforms are everywhere, almost to the point that we don't even notice - until we need assistance - from a cop, a Target employee, a Ghostbuster....

the original ghostbusters

Other times we have to change the dress of our children to avoid looking like stereotypical employees of fine purveyors of mass consumption.

In your every day life, whether you abide in public or private (or both) what do you wear with pride? Are you able to wear your colors boldly? How do you cloak yourself for that daily grind? Do you blend in (there's safety in numbers) or do you find ways to stand out?

Walking

I recently read that one can lose 13 pounds after one year by walking - at a good pace - anywhere you go within a one mile perimeter.

This sounds pretty sweet because those 13 pounds are what is hanging from my neck and my middle. Could I even experiment with walking everywhere within a mile of where I live? Or of where I work? I don't know.

For our family of five it is probably easier said than done. There would have to be some big time shifts in schedules and in the way that we as a family hunt and gather. The biggest issue I have with this walking thing is the time it takes, because the daily pace for which we set ourselves up is somewhat frantic. Surely folks from around the world would call us crazy.

I did wonder though - "what is within a mile of my home that I or my family could frequent more often via walking or biking?"

My initial thought regarding this was about mouths to feed - and in our familia, as mentioned earlier, there are five mouths. There is no local market (besides convenience stores) within walking distance from our home. There is a dollar store, but what true nourishment might that offer? A pack of Mickey's doughnuts? How about a Bruegger's bagel or a cup of Caribou every morning for breakfast?  (Can you imagine the cost after one week to feed five?) I have no idea what it would be like to walk with a smaller bag of groceries to our home as a daily regimen.... with fresh produce or meat - to arrive home and then climb five flights of stairs to a residence after a hard day's work. Part of me longs for it though... exercise and real food.

local grocery store in St. Paul

There used to be smaller grocery stores at many of the nodes in our Minneapolis town, however many of them went away as prices got cheaper at the big box grocery stores. We recently attended a neighborhood store in another part of town before a soccer game to grab bananas and some sport drinks. The kids walked inside and were amazed - primarily because everything they could want was right in front of them, in one smaller room. Videos, snack cakes, little trinkets, stuff every kid could want within a small visible space.

So, what else is within a mile of my home?

Actually there are a couple of saloons and restaurants, a theater, a book store, an ice cream shop, a couple gas stations, a fencing place where you practice - fencing? The only really necessary place, the hardware store, closed recently. My dental office moved but the new location is still within a mile. Imagine walking back from there after a dose of gas, although I'm sure its been done before. There is a church or two, though I am not certain they are still being used as churches, people have seemingly found them to be unnecessary.

I'll admit, I have been trained (though not currently employed) as a city planner. A person who plans cities, much to the chagrin of developers, engineers, anti-government types and property rights advocates. My biggest issue with city planning was/is the lack of pedestrian friendly developments - or developing for the sake of developing, taking great farming land out of commission for finely watered exurban lawns. But then of course the urban land that our home resides upon was once an apple orchard... surrounded by low lying marshland, all dredged and packed into neat homely rows.

One walking opportunity I miss is our church's Crop Walk. We used to walk every year, but lately we have chosen to contribute cash to sponsor a person who is walking. We will walk again once the kids can handle the trek. In my American mind, it is extraordinary to think that people walk anywhere from 1 to 5, 10? miles to get - water - daily.

My wife knows and is often annoyed by the fact that I already often park in the furthest space that is convenient. Notice the italicized disclaimer. I won't park in the closest of spots, I appreciate a few extra steps... as I have driven nine miles to pick up groceries at Costco to feed my five mouths.

If interested, here is a recent article about city planning and development: click

A Typical Morning Mash

Driving into work today, I recollected how amazed I was at all that I had accomplished this morning before hitting the official homestretch on the way in to work. Getting the kids dressed, fed and delivered to school, (even one via bicycle trip), conversating with my wife - it was a nonstop series of tasks.

Then I was free of them and driving in to work on the city street and made observations:

Looking right, there were more bicyclists on their way to work, or a meeting or a coffee shop, or all three at once. They were in the element. Feeling the chilled morning air on the tips of their ears. Hearing the sounds of the city - automobiles, birds, passing conversations.

Could I bike into work, even occasionally?

There was a cop who had pulled some guy over and I caught myself checking to see what the guy was driving - like his car dictates who he is... and his circumstance - sigh.

 Could this have been me yesterday?

There were multiple moms with their kids standing on the corners waiting for the bus to arrive to take them to school. They had gotten themselves and their kids together and were shipping them off for lessons about calculations and reading and the art of writing.

Did I pack his afternoon snack?

I arrived into work - life is good one morning at a time.

Reminds me of this video:

Have I forgotten to take the meat out of the freezer?

The Smack Down

There are all types of smacks, none of which I would recommend - and lately I've noticed them more than usual - I have decided to create names for them:

Flurry Attack

Dash or Dom?

Our middle son gets a tad bit defensive as he defends his turf - protecting his space, be it his bed, a toy, or the book he is reading. His space gets imposed upon by both older and now younger siblings and he lays the smack down going in for a quick direct flurry attack, reminiscent of that kid from The Incredibles. His brothers are the bookends and sometimes he needs to open them up a bit and make some more room.

We extinguish these scuffles as soon as possible and like a hockey fight, often the second one to throw the smack is caught. Then we try not to throw that one exclusively into the penalty box but ask them what is going on. Three sides to the story.

Poke and Run
Another smack I've notice lately is the poke and run. I noticed this smack was used in the corporate world recently and consider it to be a rather cowardly act. In this case, some truly minor issue occurs, which creates repercussions (the poke) and it goes straight to a manager (the run).

This smack can be quite useful in that climb to the top of the nasty heap. Especially as the corporate world gets bigger and more wide open and spread apart. It often happens via e-mail, perhaps as a result of some type of miscommunication. It is so easy to mess e-mail up and get defensive with it. The main trouble is that this often turns into a cruel game of telephone so that any message gets lost in translation between parties and the details become awash. How much time was just wasted figuring out this ridiculous issue? Thus the poke and run is all about someone far off creating a stir and then leaving others in the dust... quite cowardly.

The Direct Jab
This smack may cause the most immediate pain, but really doesn't last too long... Imagine picking up your youngest child who is just lengthy enough that when you swing them a bit - they kick you right in the general local of the frank and beans. Or perhaps your child runs up to give a hug after a long day of work and they are just tall enough that their head slams square into your junk.

Perhaps you're on the floor wrestling a bit and one hits you right on the nose and bends the tip into your face a bit, leaving you talking kind of stuffy and congested. Its an instantaneous, shallow, pain.

Overall, I've found that this smack doesn't happen too often in Minnesota, where everyone is so... nice.

Back Handed Compliment
Now this smack is practically the Minnesota State Smack. If there were such a thing.

back handed compliment

Again work wise, it's like someone saying "you know we really appreciate your work, it's just that your department is so unnecessary" which seemingly means that they like the work you do, but don't evidently feel the need for the reason that you are part of their work environment and perhaps their success.

This kind of goes with that whole negative reinforcement thing. "Wow son, you had a great game today, now if only you hadn't let that weak goal through in the second half."

Thank you sir! May I have another!*?

Behind the Back Thrust
This is essentially a stab in the back, but instead of a sharp knife, a really blunt instrument is used. In my experience, words of some sort are usually the weapon. The behind the back thrust leaves you feeling open and vulnerable and becomes a test of your wit, your torque and your patience. This smack can be used and/or be followed up quite effectively with the poke and run or back handed compliment.

All in all, our kids are fantastic and sometimes it's actually fun to watch them bump into things and test their limits (we hope you can say that about yours as well). I am not particularly anxious for our kids to grow up and approach us that first time with their realization of the realities of human nature. I guess at that time we will tell them to take one day at a time, that they will win some and lose some, to go out there and give 110% and then or to roll with the punches.

We don't physically hit or spank our children. I guess we try to find other means of discipline for them to realize their wayward actions. We'll see how they turn out in the long run. That will be a whole other blog some day.

Until then, this is surely just the tip of the smack iceberg.

Eat Your Peas

Mystery, wonder and awe. What makes your jaw drop these days? Reality TV? Extraterrestrial encounters?  (whats the difference?) As adults who control their own destiny (right?) what knocks your socks off? Is there anything that puts you over the edge anymore? Or have you experienced everything and suffer from a case of mental synapse relapse? You're just worn out from the consistent downgraded economic chatter?
Here's something with some flavor to get you thinking...

How about your kids? Do you see awe and wonder from them yet? Do they come home from school like mine, initially high but suddenly dazed and drawn out? I ask them how their day went at school and get a distant gaze - with no reply. What did you have for lunch? Same gaze and lack of reply.

Then the next day as we drive back from soccer practice - out blurts something about the first 13 stars and stripes and Betsy Ross and history and some book they're reading in class. Or how about after their first day at Spanish lessons, you walk out of the school with them and ask how it went and get something in Chinese (from last year and you've never heard before "oh I was just counting"). Yes you were, now lets see what happens after a year of Spanish...

I am trying to live for my kids. My wife and I are trying to avoid living for ourselves (we are both Gemini and this is difficult for us). There is balance somewhere, though much of the time it favors the kids to some extent. On a daily level, at least one of the kids seems to wind up satisfied.
  
Though I realize the realities of day to day living - I see awe and wonder in my kids and that keeps me pushing. They are mesmerized by the little things that they learn. It is their time and we work at creating that stable environment for them to do that learning confidently. We are fortunate (ear your peas, kids are starving somewhere...) to have this wiggle room or "space".

Realistically, we are finding that we have to push them a bit - to try new foods, to say hi to the kids at the park, to give a little offering at church - to think beyond themselves and their immediate circle. Surely they will find their way and ride the wave wherever it takes them and being inquisitive never hurt.

Touch and Go

Off to those far off places so exotic and east
Up into a soft white cloud and above the level
Deep beyond the point of mediocrity
and ease back to civility

To discuss or to let go
if it lingers it may fester
and become a hole that isn't tight enough to fit
let it go next time

the curves are there
the warmth is there
the eye contact isn't
so the quick pulse diminishes to a listless melody

touch and go - no go

Thriller and Aliens

An interesting series of events.

The other day the boys were dancing to Michael Jackson. Which happens often in our household (God bless the man...) that's what I call a lasting legacy. Thriller is the album of choice these days and especially the song "Thriller". From what I know they haven't seen the video, which is good because we don't have to deal with the resulting nightmares yet. But, they do love the song and will do so even more as we head towards Halloween. Anyhow, they danced after dinner until they were sweating and what good exercise!

That night before bed, we read a book about planets and space. The book explained the basics of the solar system and on one page showed all the planets lined up from the sun - and I wonder if they are able to realize this yet? That there is something beyond the big blue and the starry stars that fill the sky. And what fills their mind? Questions - and lots of them. Lets pray they have their lifetime to find answers.

Recently saw this article - http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/44511308/ns/technology_and_science-science/. Folks are beginning to pick out a few planets that may potentially harbor life and within my boys lifetime and probably mine, we may find some signs of life - outside of ours - extraterrestrials (E.T.) Makes the grown up in me wonder...

What would aliens think of earthlings if Michael Jackson's Thriller were blasted into deep space?

In February, 2008 The Beatles - Across The Universe was blasted into deep space:

Words are flying out like
endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass
They slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow waves of joy
are drifting thorough my open mind
Possessing and caressing me

Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

... 'cept my kids.

Enjoying the Quiet

I love my house in September and October - slightly chilled, sunny (my house has lots of windows) and there is nothing on.
You can hear the sounds of the trees and birds.
The cars driving by on the freeway near my house.
The hammering of the neighbor working on something.
Nothing electronic is turned on except my laptop.
No music. No video games. No TV.
My husband just took my oldest to watch a high school soccer game.
My two youngest are sleeping.

OOOOOhhh ya....sigh.
It is amazing how much peace and relief it is to have this quiet.
It re-energizes me.
Makes the air I breathe flow better through my body.
My shoulders feel lighter.
My brain doesn't feel so full.
Many people don't know but I am a secret introvert.
I need this quiet to rejuvenate my soul from the crazy thing I call my life.
It just makes me feel better.

Then I hear a cry from the baby monitor. Just a bad dream???
Then I hear some babbling.......someone is up.
The quiet was sure nice while it lasted even if it was just 15 minutes. . .now I can take on the world.
Or 3 boys and a husband.

Sneak Peak

As of late, our oldest has started getting sneaky. There have been a few instances that come to mind and apparently seem to be the start of some new secret spy kid thing going on. Has me wondering if there is a parent attention deficit going on - as in pay attention to me and my interests and "I'm bored."

The first instance started happening this summer during break from school. The sun comes up earlier and the kids started getting up really early. With anticipation of playing games - on the computer or the X-box. Having recently learned the ability to turn these machines on, the kids have figured out that mom and dad aren't getting up right away - if they don't have to. So, there is the easy ability to rise and shine and play games for an hour before mom and dad get up and get their coffee on. We have our computer set up for Kidzui, a kid-friendly activity site. At this time the X-box has only kid friendly games... but where will this go?

Another instance involves the older brother coercing the younger into his stash of cookies or even money. Using the promise of letting the younger play with his Legos at some point in the future. The trouble is, this never happens and suddenly the older brother is gobbling down an extra cookie or has more money for which to purchase the next Ninjago.

The third involves the oldest sneaking things to school. Pokeman cards or Lego figures or money. All of which are smaller and somewhat difficult to detect. My concern is that school is school, a place where you are kept busy learning and experiencing. This involves complete interaction with other kids - who might have their little Lego figures there at school, but can't they wait until they get home to play these things together?

We can see the older brother is getting clever and smarter, his interests are changing, he is growing like a tree, he is getting street smarts from other kids at school - all things I understand and wish to foster to his benefit. My concern is whether this sneakiness goes away or just blossoms into something bigger... or that he is genuinely bored and searching for the next thing. Or that he is starting to grow out of us and this is the start of some natural independent streak. Is this something that all oldest kids go through?

Nobody Moves, Nobody Gets Hurt

"Stop it. Don't do that. Stop. Don't. Stop."

Often I could repeat that over and over again. Especially as I watch them nitpick each other to death. But lately the first thing that comes to my mind as I break up a skirmish between the loyal minions is that famous quote "Nobody moves and nobody gets hurt!"

I don't recall where I first heard this infamous line, I know I used it when I was a kid playing cops and robbers - although I don't recall whether I was a cop or a robber. But I'm finding that although I don't yell it out at the kids as they are about to poke each others eye out, it is the first thing that comes to my head.

And so my action from that point is to pull them apart and let them cool down a bit. Start the interrogation to get to the root of the problem. Figure out what the issue really is that's creating their discontentment... poor little fellas.

When they are tired, their fuse is even shorter so that it takes just a minor act to light the little kegs of dynamite. And that again is where my quote comes in "Nobody moves, nobody gets hurt!" "Put your hands up where I can see'em!" And then read them their rights and so on.

I could come in yelling like that great opening scene from Pulp Fiction...

What would my kids turn out like if I played the role of robber rather than cop?

Mother's Guilt

There is something that can weaken any mother, no matter how strong they are - like kryptonite to Superman. Mother's guilt.

I can take on some tough people at work - high stress situations - long hours - presentation to large groups. Get me home with my 6 year old and have him tell me I travel too much for work. Mother's guilt sits on my shoulder.

Try to put my two boys down for a nap and not succeed after several attempts and threats. Mother's guilt grabs a 3 lb weight on my shoulder.

Have my 1 1/2 year old cry as I am walking out the door to catch a plane for work, continue staring out the screen door banging on it as I get in the car. Guilt just picked up a 10 lb weight and my neck gets a significant kink.

Broken. Weak. Heart hurts in ways you cannot image. Tears inside and out. Immediate questions of whether I am good enough mom. Is my absence going to taint their childhood in a way that will make them bad adults. Kinks in my shoulder and neck from the weight. Sometimes it feels like I cannot stand up straight the guilt is so heavy on my shoulder.

Then the breaks go on SSCCRREEAACCHH I have not traveled for work in almost 10 weeks. It is amazing the thought that if I am not there my boys will not be okay. I am blessed to have an amazing husband that is more amazing then he realizes and is a great role model for my boys. The realization hits - they are going to be okay and so am I. The economy in my life does not allow me be with my boys all the time I want to be. But I make sure I am present in all ways when we are together.

Why do we do this to ourselves moms? I think it is in our DNA and I have heard it does not go away with age. I had hope that as they get older this would get better but the elders in my life assure me it doesn't. And sometimes it gets worse. So I am planning on being with my sons as much as I can after this short trip and then going to a message therapist on Thursday. Maybe she can work off some of that guilt.

House Paint and Pick Your Own Ending

Our house exterior needs to be painted. We are paying to have it completed. It needs painting fairly badly. I like to paint, and when we go on mission trips with various youth groups this is the main work I enjoy - painting a house. But, we have over 35 windows on our house and it hasn't been painted in probably forever and the south side has the most windows and will require scraping and priming. I don't have time, so we hired it out.

We have a bungalow-type of house and I have been spinning on what color to paint. It has been various shades of green (dark green - then a much lighter green). I am sure styles and shades come and go and ours will surely do the same, but we have to live with it for the next 15 years or so, so it is a... complex decision for me and us.

I get stuck with wanting a complete old school look with authentic colors. As I search the internet I find lots of resources and lots of opinions. That is how I feel about the paint - lots of options and shades and such, but how about just some basic old school color? There aren't any old photos of the house that we know of, so we have decided to determine the color from our brickwork - which is still the original color(s).

That's how it is where I live. In the middle of the city with lots of options. Almost too many alternatives and choices. Narrowing down the choices seems to take the most time - is that where we're headed? Like a pick-your-own-ending book. We move along for awhile, come upon some sort of significant decision and let it guide us to the next. What if we read the ending first and then worked our way back?

We'll see where our house color takes us next, hopefully not at odds with our neighbors.

Interested?

When you show interest in others and the things that are important to them, they will show interest in you and the things that are important to you.