Love Roller Coaster

No this isn't going to get all mushy. Not gonna go all Barry White on ya yet... But...

There is more love around the house when mom is well rested and not traveling. Between a recent bit of work strife and travel, our family has ridden a roller coaster of emotion through the month of November. And thank god its about over.

That is, thank god the month of November is about over, because as we head into another holiday, I am reminded that a lot of this strife started on a different holiday - Halloween, the last day of October, typically a fun holiday - but evidently the big business world doesn't recognize holiday or family any more (ouch). So, who knows what to expect as we head towards Christmas.

  

It is very evident when mom is under stress because we don't get her attention and when we do it is very direct and sharp. I am this way already, so when she starts showing these symptoms, I become anti-man - that is, grizzly and strained to the point that I should be cast off alone to some distant island to radiate.

And in our home situation, I cook a lot; I tote the kids around a bit; I grind through the homework spiel. The kids get enough of me.

Its mom they crave. Its mom that kisses a boo boo and actually means it. Its mom that forgives... and mom has the softest touch in the house. She wears many hats and it is amazing how 97% of the time she can take the corporate one off as she steps into the house.

We were lucky to have Thanksgiving as pleasant as it was. We were fortunate to be with family and give thanks and eat lots of pie. To be honest though, I felt myself looking over my shoulder - ready for the next round of corporate grief to take hold. Damn those Blackberries and their ability to keep up with every work detail and e-mail.

So yes, as we shovel, glide, or at least make our way through Advent and towards winters' front door - it is good to have that love back, that is to have mom back - the roller coaster has leveled out (for a while at least).

I am curious where other family-type units find "the love" and how they handle stress - individually? together? Perhaps folks build a tent out of the dining room table and hide away- while pretending that its the Millennium Falcon?

To Snowthrower or Not

Back when I was a kid....

We had a driveway that was probably 30 yards long with 8-10 foot walls on both sides.... and we had to throw snow out of it.

It was a trench dug into the ground as it made its way from the street to our tucked-under garage. The closer you got to the garage - the higher the walls of the driveway were - that is as you exited the garage doors, the walls to the top of the yard were at least 8-10 feet tall and then they graduated down the closer you got to the street.

Image from MNHS

My dad had a shovel (didn't it have a nickname.... something like "the crusher"?) that I swear was 3 feet long. And much like Paul Bunyan would throw his axe and fell trees, my dad would take "the crusher" and start from the garage and push and "shove" the snow out to the end of the drive and then scoop it up and toss it to the side. The square footage he could cover with that puppy....

And like my current family there were three boys in that family as well (sounds so odd - like a different bizarro dimension). When the snow got too much and as we boys aged, we got to shovel the snow out of that driveway as well. Up and over the walls - all the way down. We would usually use some strategic plan that my dad would concoct. Like him going a round or two with "the crusher" until the snow was just too much to handle for one man alone. He'd call in for reinforcements and out we would walk with our shovels and snow clothes on like that kid from Christmas Story - the little brother who waddles down the sidewalk due to his sweet one-piece snow suit.

Anyway back to my story. Us reinforcements would come out and start chipping away at that snow through those dark, eerily quiet evenings, throwing it over the wall as best we could. I look back and wonder how much assistance we really were, especially on windy days where the snow would fly back into our faces and back into the drive.

And my dad got by with us boys helping, much like a large family with a farm - and I intend to use my boys as well... to help shovel snow. I intend to put their muscles to work, I will call for their reinforcement assistance in this urban landscape with driveway and sidewalk. And maybe the neighbors too...

Except there was a lot of snow last year (84+ inches)... and my oldest isn't even seven yet... and I don't have any shovel close to handling snow like "the crusher"... and that electric snowthrower that's on sale is calling my name...

Thankful for the Women in my Life!

I was blessed to have a strong woman to watch and learn from everyday in my house when I was younger. For a big part of my life I was able to have both grandmothers active in my life as well. Many aunts, cousins, church women, school leaders and friends of the female persuasion.

Lately my world has been shaken to its core, some would say it was an awakening if you will. It forced me to look at what I want, how do I want people to have control of my life, and how will I allow people to affect my life with out my say. It is always hard when you are in the fog of the earthquake to see how this will make you stronger.

The saying time will heal everything is so true. It has amazed me how one night sleep will make things clearer. The more time I have had the more determined I get, the more clearer I am about myself, the stronger my foundation gets.

As I am enjoying an afternoon in my house by myself, little one asleep and the other boys out and about. I go to the CD shelf and look for some reinforcement in music that always heals me and makes me stronger. Females of choice today are Mary J. Blige, Erykah Badu, Kelly Clarkson, Kina and India Arie. Amazing women and journey's that we have are lucky enough to hear through their music.

And it makes me realize even though my foundation was shaken, it did not break, crack or even chip. The reason it is so strong is because of the reinforcement from every woman that has been involved in my life, especially the one that I used to watch everyday. It might not be every day that I watch her now but it is more than she realizes. For these women I am thankful because I would not be the woman I am with out them!

Little Dumpster Diver

I have figured something out relating to children and scale. To some extent, it has taken three kids to figure this out, but it is simple and makes a lot of sense.

Many of us adults live exclusively - in an adult world. Many of us adults eat adult sized portions with big plates and cutlery. Perhaps the chairs we sit in fit adult people and the beds we sleep in are sized for us as well. The autos we drive are created with controls situated within reach of some average adult size. Park benches are often set for a comfortable sitting height of around 16 inches – a good size for an adult. This mouse fits my adult sized palm.

Children are different, they have not yet reached that average adult size, right? With this realization - I now conclude that my youngest has become a certified dumpster diver.

CC Image courtesy of dreamsjung on Flickr

Our kitchen garbage sits open ended with its top just below his eye level. Much to our chagrin, when he is hungry and as we parents are busy, we've caught him diving here. I've witnessed him grabbing yogurt containers, pizza scraps and after Halloween he was spotted multiple times running about with empty candy wrappers. Sometimes he has found broken toys (usually bright colored, cheap, plastic things from fast food joints).

Now I should disclaim that we have had this garbage for a long time - before this house, before these children - and it gets cleaned regularly. The thought of purchasing another plastic covered garbage container did pop in our heads at some point - but we had no problems with the previous two kids regarding this diving situation and the thought of throwing the plastic garbage can into the landfill to be replaced by another plastic can with a cover doesn't seem completely sensible. At least some earth-friendly beings are going to give us props for this... I hope.

Anyhow, I now officially realize that as my youngest rambles about our living space – he sees things differently, and specifically - at a different level. I know now that he thoroughly enjoys when we get down to his size and scale (literally down on the floor). He goes nuts. He wrestles and cuddles and brings things to us for play and he waddles his flat-footed self back and forth with stuff from mom's purse..... He even listens more intently... and we probably listen to him better as well.

Obviously this isn’t some sort of rocket science and it's not like we never reduced our scale for the other two pups. Many folks figure this out without even realizing it, however, others do not. Especially as I think about how I’ve seen adults (even teachers) interact with children recently. It seems they could use a little assistance, a little coming down to earth.

As this youngest one is still a bit malleable (and not for long) - I am going to continue making a point to interact at his height when feasible - though I think I will avoid the dumpster diving.

Of house and home

Isn't home ownership grand?
(He says sarcastically...)

Recently my brother and I did some exploring. We looked at a couple of the attic spaces within the house that have probably been somewhat neglected. As we verified the attic spaces for their insulation coverage we were amazed at the amount of craftsmanship that the builders put into making a 1920's bungalow.

The attic pocket doors fit so snugly with their tiny retractable ball bearing locking mechanism. And the house frame, the structure itself, is still so solid, perhaps built of old school lumber from Northern Minnesota.

And recently we had the house exterior painted, it needed the paint so badly, to the point that we couldn't do it ourselves. And the man who painted mentioned how time consuming some of the detail was - and I'm sure it was, constructed with character and not of disposable means.

I have to admit that as of the past couple years I have been left wondering if home ownership is the most economic "way" for middle income families. Since the end of WWII the U.S. government has led us to believe so with its cheap loan programs and tax incentives.

Our homes are a source of pride for so many folks.  I relate directly - my parents bought their first house and then continued to upgrade in houses as the family grew and as we moved to different cities. Eventually my two brothers and I each had our own bedroom! And a basement rec room! Oh what great expectations!

Though this article wasn't completely surprising, it disturbed me:
Check it: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/04/12/bofa-ceo-moynihan-some-pe_n_848312.html

I am not a big fan of hearing a corporate executive dismiss houses - or homes, which are considered an investment for so many middle income families. It's disturbing. Reminds me of hearing of the booksmart economist who strives for faster, cheaper, more efficient - with no understanding of the human cost. Or of the accomplished doctor who operates on a person as if they were just another number and not an actual being.

That is part of what makes this whole housing market bubble issue such a pain. Sometimes it feels like the fat cats are starving the middle of its pride. What would happen to neighborhoods if folks didn't take any pride in their home? What would happen to cities if neighborhoods no longer had pride - if they became run down? Surely, there are examples of this in many communities already. Were we set up to believe that houses were an important part of being American? If so, who would want one now? And especially a new one.

Home ownership means work and upkeep and when you put time and money into it, you are investing, or at least we thought so, or were led to believe so, and especially with an older home.

Craft, art - pride. House, home, family...

Unfortunately while in the attic area, we didn't find any hidden bundles of cash or map of our small urban yard, marked with an "x" offering location of buried treasure or loot of some sort.

Running the Spectrum

Wife: Do you feel tired?
Husband: Yes, I do feel tired.

Our boys run a spectrum of age that is both fun and challenging. They offer each other different relational options - which often means they wrestle a lot. Like a litter of wolf pups nipping at each others ears.

These "pups" have a wide window of napping schedules and dinner options and play schedules. It stretches bounds of parenting patience and planning to great measure. Surely the challenges will only continue as they grow and gain their independent ways and means.

When people walk into our home, they walk into an entry room that we use as our "toy space". There are lots of action figures, vehicles and gadgets. There is very little pink, a general avoidance of guns, a haven of cheap plastic happy meal.... crap things.

Often, toys are strewn across this room, this entry room - and walking across is similar to playing Frogger and not advised to those with bare feet. We are working with these pups to put their toys away when finished - but it is still an exhausting and nauseating task.... for me -  don't know about my other half.

As I pick up the mess, again, I try to think of it as a religious experience. Something that is done with repetition to the point of being no bother to me.

It doesn't work.

Today, I have run the spectrum and am happy the bed is willing to catch me.

Lingo

My kid is learning Spanish. I am envious. I look forward to the day he can translate a conversation I might hear, or sing a sweet Spanish ballad, or order me some delicious authentic cuisine from one of the local Mexican restaurants.

We tried to enroll him in Chinese - but there weren't enough contestants. We've heard it's a difficult language and being that he is quite young, we thought perhaps he might get a good start at it. We thought we were future thinking - if China is becoming this giant cloud in the sky, what better way to weather the storm than learn the culture and language, right? Well, apparently there weren't enough people thinking like us.

Its not like we settled for Spanish, right? There are how many different countries and parts of the world (even within the US) that speak this language? A lot. And in our city, there are probably more Spanish speaking opportunities around, which will be beneficial.

These days, as I read the headlines, I am confounded a bit. There seems to be a bit of confusion in my State (Vikings, taxes, gambling); in America (NBA, players, owners); and the World (bailouts, climate, population). There is a definite lack of clarity. Perhaps a lack of leadership (or is that what they want you to think?)

Anyway, I think I figured out why there is this lack of "order in the court" (at least in my local, English speaking enclave.) It all relates to language, jargon, lingo. As I was stumbling upon some grammar stuff, I came across this tidbit:

English

English does not have a dedicated future tense — that is, a grammatical form that, when used, always indicates futurity — nor does it have a form that is mandatory for the expression of futurity. However, some forms are often used to express futurity.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Future_tense

Huh? So what does this say about the English language? Where does it lead us? How do we talk about the future? How do we set goals and expectations and make change?
Oh and by the way, future tense is abbreviated FUT.
Now I know why I learned German, though due to my lack of regular usage, most of the der die das is not even but a memory.